How To Date A Single Mother – Part Two

 

 

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In Part One of our How To Date A Single Mother series, we asked three single mothers to share some of their experiences and insight regarding their background and expectations when dating.  first five questions they answered were:

  

What was the nature of you becoming a single mother?

What have you realized is important to you when looking for a mate that wasn’t a focus before you became a single mother?

What mistakes do guys tend to make when getting to know or date you, now that you’re a single mother?

Have you ever had a guy attracted to you and then back off once he found out you were a single mother? If so, tell us about that.

After becoming a single mother, were you apprehensive about dating again? Why or why not?

 

Now, the moment you were waiting for!  We are going to display the last five questions along with the single moms’ answers.  Here we go!

 

Have you had to explain to your children about your dating life? If so, how was that experience?

Brenda: I feel like I explain it all the time! My girls really want me to get married again as they miss a man being around all the time. Until the time that I am in a serious relationship, I tell my girls that the guys I go out with are my friends. They know we go on dates, but that is about it. I do not feel as though they are old enough to know any more than that.

Lindsey: At first I didn’t talk too much about it, but I have been divorced for 8 years now and I talk about it often and ask my kids what they think.  I think they are getting to the point where they are ready for me to find someone else.

Shae: I am currently in a relationship with a man who has professed his readiness for a family and interacts with my son, before him, because my son’s father is not in his life, my son would constantly ask me to get him a “new daddy” like I could just pick one up from Wal-Mart or Target! I had to explain that it didn’t work like that. He wanted a man to come to his soccer games and teach him how to play catch, etc… That was very hard for me because anything else he asked for, I could get him. But a “daddy” is not someone you just select. I told him God had to send him. Then I’d hear him asking God for a daddy when he said his nightly prayers.

 

Have you experienced any drama/complications from your child’s father about your dating life? Please Explain.

Brenda: He has given me drama about dating as he feels threatened by the possibility of another man being around or helping me raise our girls. It’s funny how the father can do what he pleases with little regards to the children, but the mother’s life completely changes. Our kids look up to us and it is up to us to raise them with morals and values. How can I do that if I am running the streets every night?

Lindsey: The only drama or complications I have had from my child’s father is when I was in a biracial relationship.  He was very opposed to the relationship at first, but was able to accept it in the end.

Shae: No, my son’s father is inactive and does not therefore interact with my life or my son’s life.

 

How many times in a month do you go on dates?

Brenda: I actually go out quite a bit because I have wonderful parents who know that I need to have my own life too and they watch my girls for me when I need them to. I would say I go out on dates maybe 2-4 times a month. However, I am a teacher and have the summer off so the numbers are a little different during the school year! Obviously, I have more time to go out now then I do during the school year!

Lindsey: On average I would say that I go on one date a month.

Shae: I’m actually a serial monogamer. I don’t date. I meet, interview and form relationships. Actually, I probably remain unattached for no longer than a month or two before I’m in the next relationship. During that 1-2 months, I could meet about five men, go out with three, dismiss two and choose one. It’s hard for me to answer that.

 

Do you meet men in different places then before you became a mother? What types of places?

Brenda: When I first got divorced I went out to a lot of clubs and bars. However, the quality of men I found were what you would expect in places like that. So needless to say I do not look for a man in a place where so many people are looking to just "hook up." I honestly would rather meet a man at church or at a place like the grocery store! Several of my friends have suggested online dating and I am not opposed to that.  I just have not done it yet.

Lindsey: I currently spend a lot of time meeting men online. 

Shae: I meet men everywhere: at work, church, clubs restaurants, gas stations, online, grocery stores and through other friends.

 

What’s your idea of a perfect date?

Brenda: I am very old fashioned. I love dinner and a movie, bowling, drinks and lots of talking, etc. There is not one exact example of a perfect date to me, except to be on it with a guy who respects me and can have a good time!

Lindsey: My idea of a perfect date would be to do something fun or adventurous where you really get to be yourself.  Then have a nice dinner and talk and get to know the person that I am with.  Afterwards, maybe take a walk in the moonlight and continue the talk.

Shae: I am very spontaneous! The perfect date for me would be where a man calls and tells me what clothes to pack, then picks me up, takes me to brunch, followed by horse-back riding, rock climbing, or white-water rafting, then a picnic in the park followed by a play or museum. I love adventure and romance but can’t seem to get it unless I plan it

 

Is there anything else you’d like you share with Men’s Playbook readers about being a single mother and dating?

Brenda:I think that some men tend not to understand why a lot of single mothers are so cautious. It’s just we have more than just ourselves to look out for. It’s not just about us anymore!! I have plenty of love to give someone else its just that my girls are my top priority!

Lindsey: The only think that I would want to share is the let men know that it is hard for women when it comes to dating.  Remember, we are torn between our responsibility of being a mother and our want to be in a relationship.  Just be conscious of this fact and patient.

Shae: Men and women should be open-minded about dating. I had to re-create my “list of the only men I date” and remove college graduate but add family-oriented, hard-working, respectful, and loves children. I still talk to single men and women everyday with unrealistic expectations about dating. So what if a woman has a child? That doesn’t mean she won’t have another one with you and just think of the impact a good man could make on that child’s life. If you aren’t perfect, don’t expect him/her to be.

Well there you go!  That’s an end to our dialogue with three exceptional single mothers.  Our hope is we uncovered some things through our questions that will help you be a better man when interacting with a single mom.

Do you have any thoughts that you’d like to share regarding our interview?  We invite you to do so in our comment section.